What Cressida Did
by francescaalavin
Summary: When Cressida gets out of Juvenile Hall, all she wants is to find her half brothers and to make a good life for herself. Things from her past get in the way.
1. Chapter 1

"Cressida, dinner!" Rita shouts up the stairs to me. It's my first night in this group home and I already hate it, but it was this or Juvie again.

"Why didn't she have to help with dinner?" One of the girls gives me an evil look as she sets a plate down in front of me.

"Cressida's been unpacking, she'll be helping clean up, don't worry,"

"Sorry," I say quietly, I don't want to get on anyone's bad side.

"Anyway, now that we're all here, introductions." Rita shoots a look to the girl sat opposite me.

"I'm Becca," She smiles at me.

"I'm Gabi," Gabi gives me more of a smirk than a smile.

"I'm Kiara, I think we're sharing," She shakes my hand.

"Cool," I smile.

"I'm Carmen."

"I'm Daphne, I don't live here anymore but I visit a lot, so does Callie," She gestures to the girl serving me some mashed potato."

"Hi, you're gonna like it here," Hard to believe, "There's usually a few more girls but most of them have left yet, but they're should be a few new arrivals over the next few weeks,"

"I won't be here that long," They all snicker at me.

"So why you here?" Kiara asks me.

"Kiara, you can't just come out with that, you remember how hard it is being the new girl," Carmen says.

"No, it's okay, uh, drugs mostly, and I accidentally um, hurt someone."

"They dead?"

"Okay, that's enough now Kiara," Rita says. I decide to not say anything else.

We spend the rest of dinner in silence, and then I follow the girls into the kitchen when we're done. Carmen shows me what to do, Gabi yells at me when I don't clean properly, and Gabi just stares at me. Kiara sings along quietly to the radio. We all have to stay in the kitchen while the knives are counted, I've never stayed in a home this strict. At least everyone seems a little but nice. Then Rita and Michelle let us go to bed.

"I'll stay in the spare room," Callie says, removing her backpack from my new bed.

"Nah, just sleep on the floor, we got a lot to talk about," Kiara throws down a bunch of pillows for Callie to sleep on.

"Sorry for taking your bed," I sit down.

"That's okay, I don't even live here,"

"So where do you live? And why would you wanna visit this place?"

"I'm adopted, I come here to see my friends but I also get school credit for helping out with Family Day and stuff,"

"Family Day?"

"Yeah, we get to have our family all come round and we make food for them and we dress nice, you got a family?" Kiara says, smiling.

"Not really, I ain't got any nice clothes either,"

"Not really?" Callie asks, I was trying to avoid that topic.

"Well I've got two brothers, but I haven't met them. My mom died and I never knew my dad. And I had a baby, but I lost her."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kiara says, she comes and sits next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders. It's nice to have someone touch me that isn't going to hurt me.

"It's cool. It's in the past, I try not to dwell on it, anyway Callie, how did you get out of here?"

"Well I was in the foster home before I got here, then, well I guess my moms got me out."

"Cool so all I need some people who love me to fight for me, that'll be easy," I say sarcastically and I flop back on my bed, "Night." I switch my lamp off. Kiara goes back to her bed and her Callie talk for what feels like hours, but eventually, they shut up and turn the other light off.

I wake up to the sound of Kiara's alarm blaring in my ears.

"Can you turn that off?"

"Uh, no, we gotta get breakfast and then we got group," Callie says, I groan, "Come on, get up," Callie practically yanks me out of my bed.

"Okay, I'm getting up!" I laugh. It's actually not too horrible here.

We don't have to actually cook for breakfast, we all just eat cereal, I try to make small talk with some of the girls, but Callie, Kiara, and Carmen are the only ones interested. We've still gotta wash our dishes though, but that's okay, it's one chore I actually don't mind.

"Okay girls, group time!" Rita calls us in and we all sit in a circle in the living room, it's like we're in the first grade.

"So what do we do here? Tell stories?" I joke.

"Sometimes," Rita says, "We just talk about anything that's on our minds or any concerns you might have about something going on in the house, but usually when someone is new, we let her talk about herself a little, so go ahead."

"Talk about myself? Okay, um, my name's Cressida, I don't really know why. My mom died before I could ask. I'm 16 I have two older brothers I've never met, I was in Juvie for a month, but I got out on good behavior. I like to swim, but I've never been in a pool before, I've been in the ocean a few times, but then the police would catch me and take me back to my foster home,"

"Who do you like?" Kiara asks with inquisitive eyes.

"Who do I like? What do you mean?"

"Boys, girls, both? We don't judge,"

"That's funny because I seem to remember you all judging me," Carmen folds her arms.

"Um, I don't know why it matters but, I like both I guess?"

"So what exactly did you do?" Gabi asks me.

"The story's pretty long, I've done a lot of dumb shit, but to get here, I was caught with coke in my old foster home, I never used it I was just dealing, then Juvie and then straight here," I don't have any interest in telling these girls what I did, or anyone for that matter.

As Kiara and I clean our room, we make more small talk.

"Can I ask you something?" I sit down on my newly made bed.

"Shoot,"

"Is there a way I can get out of here? I'll come back, there's just someone I need to see,"

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter who,"

"Well then I guess there's no way out of here," she turns her back."

"Fine, I want to find my brothers, or at least one of them, when I got out of Juvie I finally got the stuff that my mom left me, it wasn't much at all but there was a letter telling me about one of my brother's who's been fostered, his address is on it. I need to find him," She looks at me for a few moments, "Well?"

"There's a dodgy window in the downstairs bathroom, the second step from the bottom is creaky and the bathroom door always slams, I'll distract Rita,"

"Thank you!" I hug her and grab the letter from my pillow case.

Kiara goes downstairs before me and I hear her talking to Rita and Michelle in the kitchen. I try to casually walk down the stairs while still being quiet, I avoid the creaky step and dash to the bathroom, I leave the door ajar so it looks like no one is in there and I quickly remove the window pane, climb out and place it back in, then I finally make a break for it. It's getting dark so I can be unseen pretty easily. I dash through the yard and find myself headed in the right direction. I told Rita when I got here that I didn't have a cell phone so I could keep it hidden. I use the map to keep on the right track.

I finally get to the apartment building. My hand's quiver as I finally get to the right address, but I have to do this. I knock the door, and before I can think about walking away, the door opens.

"Hi!" A cheery man says. He's a cop, just what I need right now.

"Uh, hi, is AJ here?"

"No he's out at the moment, you a friend from school?"

"Yeah, I am, I was going to borrow his notes, I guess he forgot, um do you know where he is? I have a test tomorrow,"

"Uh, yeah here," He grabs a little piece of paper from a table near him and writes down another address.

"Thank you, officer, this is really helpful,"

"Anytime, see ya," I quickly walk away as he shuts the door. That went so well, I'm guessing that's his foster dad. He must be nothing like me if a cop was willing to take him in, especially a white cop.

I trek through the streets again, finding the house quicker than I expected. I check my phone, it's getting late, but I can still make it back for dinner if this goes well. Without hesitation I ring the doorbell, I start to shake again, another cop opens the door.

"Uh, hi, is AJ here?" I say.

"Yeah, he is, come in,"

"No no, that's okay I'll just wait out here," I take a few steps back, their nice fancy house intimidates me.

"Alright, I'll go get him," I sit down on a bench and a million different scenarios start running through my head, what if he doesn't want anything to do with me? What if he knows what I did? What if he doesn't know anything about me or even who I am?

"Hi," I jump and turn to the door, there he is, "Do I know you?"

"Uh, kind of, not really," My words come out shakily, "Are you AJ Hensdale?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"My name's Cressida, Cressida Hensdale. I'm your half sister."


	2. Chapter 2

"My what?" His jaw drops.

"We have the same mom,"

"Had, she died, she never said she had another kid, she never said much to me or my brother. How is this possible?" He sits on the steps and grasps his head. I don't want to get too close, he seems fragile right now.

"I've wanted to find you and Ty for years, but mom said she didn't know where you were, said you ran away, but when she died she left me a letter. There's one for you as well," I hand him an envelope from my backpack.

"AJ?" I hear a familiar voice, "What's going on?" I see Callie walk out of the front door and stare at me, "Cressida?"

"You know her?"

"She's the new girl I was telling you about, what are you doing here? You're going to get in so much trouble!"

"Kiara has my back, I came to find AJ, he's my brother."

"I think you should come inside," She gently pushes me in and then grabs AJ's hand to pull him in too. I stand in the hall and look around the impressive home. "Come on, we'll go in the kitchen,"

AJ can't stop staring at me as we drink the coffee Callie made us. It's like he thinks the longer he looks at me, the sooner the dream will end. But this isn't a dream, it's very real.

"You look like her," He says, "Your skin is lighter and your hair is straighter, but your face is the same."

"You look like her too, you have her nose."

"So who's your friend AJ?" His foster dad walks in with the woman who opened the door to me. His arms are folded, he clearly knows what's going on.

"Callie told me what was going on, and I called Mike over,"

"Come on AJ, we're going home," Mike turns to walk away,"

"You expect me to just 'go home' after this? I need to talk to her, Mike,"

"Tomorrow, home now," He points at the door.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," he says before following his foster dad out.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home," The woman says, I say goodbye to Callie. "Callie told me about you today, she said you were desperate to get out of Girls United, the best way to get out is to follow the rules and behave, running away doesn't solve anything" She lectures me, she goes on but I zone out until we pull up to the house, she insists on walking me to the front door with a light grasp on my arm. I can see all the girls watching me through the window. We don't even have to knock before Rita opens the door.

"Bed now," She says, "You and Kiara can get up early tomorrow and clean the kitchen by yourselves with Carmen's supervision,"

Kiara is already in our room when I get up there, I feel bad that I got her into trouble too.

"Sorry, I thought I could make it back for dinner,"

"It's okay, did you find him?" We both get into bed.

"Yeah, he's Callie's boyfriend actually,"

"AJ is your brother? I did not see that coming, how did he react?"

"I guess he reacted pretty well, I mean he didn't kick me out or scream in my face like I thought he would, his foster dad wouldn't let us talk and then Callie's scary mom drove me back here,"

"You mean Stef? She's not scary, I mean she's pretty intimidating, but she's really nice and she's always looking out for us, I wish she could just adopt us all,"

"Why can't she? She adopted Callie,"

"She's got like four other kids, and a wife, there wouldn't be any space for anyone else, plus they don't want more kids, but it's cool, I'm happy for Callie,"

"I'm jealous, if I could live there I could be closer to AJ, then maybe we could build a relationship and then get an apartment together, we could both get part time jobs and go to school still,"

"Girl, you're livin' in a dream world, shit like that doesn't happen for girls like us," She has a point, the only good things that happen is when I don't get my ass beat every night, I guess that's one good thing about this house, there are no men here either, men just fuck everything up, "Just be grateful you got Rita and Michelle, and me, and I think Gabi's taken a shine to you,"

"Really? Gabi? She's always staring at me like she got a problem,"

"That look don't mean she got a problem, that's the look she used to get when she thought about her boyfriend," Kiara rolls over and turns off her lamp. She thinks Gabi has a crush on me.

"You're crazy," I decide to go to sleep too.

Kiara and I have to wake up at 6 AM to clean the kitchen from top to bottom, Carmen sits there on a stool and reads her magazine, I doubt she's going to pay too much attention.

"UA," She says as she checks over my cleaning.

"What's that?"

"Girl, give her a break, she's new," Kiara says, "UA means unacceptable," She folds her arms, so do I.

"What's wrong with this?" I ask Carmen.

"It's still sticky, do it again," I just have to do what she says, I'm pretty sure she could win in a fight, so I don't want to get on her bad side.

After breakfast, we have group again. Everyone wants to ask me about why I left last night.

"I was always going to come back, I actually kind of like it here, I just wanted to meet my brother, Callie and Kiara were talking about Family Day, and I got no family apart from my brothers, I just didn't wanna be alone anymore," I tell them.

"That's understandable, but you could have talked to me about it, I could have talked to Stef and Mike and they might have been able to help,"

"That's the thing though, might, they wouldn't have done anything, they don't want their family or friends to have anything to do with girls like us,"

"That's not true," Beca says, "Callie was one of us and she lives with Stef and Lena,"

"I guess, I don't care about Stef or Mike, I care about AJ, and Mike and Stef don't want us to have relationship, otherwise they would have let us talk last night, Callie's on their side too, she's the one that told on us,"

"Is that why Mike Foster called this morning to set up a day for you to spend with AJ?" Rita says, it shocks me.

"Are you serious? He doesn't wanna get between us?" I can't help but smile.

"He wants AJ to be happy, Mike's coming to pick you up after lunch," She tells me, I'm so eager to just get ready and go but I have to listen to everyone else talk in group and then we all have to make lunch and clean up, but it's not long before Mike shows up at the door.

"Mike, I'm really sorry about last night, I lied to you, I should have just been honest,"

"That's okay, Cressida, come on, AJ's waiting at home for you," I get in his cop car with him after Kiara hugs me and wishes me luck. We drive through the streets I walked through last night, it looks a lot different in the daylight, much less dangerous, "How old are you Cressida?"

"16, I was born a year after AJ, he and Ty were in a foster home for the first few years of my life so they never knew I existed, then I was put in foster care for a few years and in that time they were back with my mom, then she was on drugs, but then she got clean and by the time I finally got back to her, AJ and Ty had already left, she said they ran away,"

"Really? The way I heard it, they decided to live with their grandma because your mom was mentally ill,"

"Well she was, I guess that's why she said they ran away, she was in an institution for a while and I was at home living with her boyfriend, he was an asshole, but then she got better again and dumped him and we were happy for a bit, then things went south pretty fast and I lost her. During all of this I've been in and out of different foster homes and group homes, and I was in Juvie for a little while,"

"I know," I look at him confused, "I looked you up on the system, I just wanted AJ to know what he was getting into,"

"So he knows what I did?" I begin to panic, he can't know.

"No, he doesn't, I thought it would be best if you tell him. You don't have to do it right away, but sooner rather than later," We pull up outside the apartment building. I swallow my nerves. I tell myself I can put it off for a little while, I need him to get to know him before I tell him, or he'll judge me without really knowing me."

"Hey," AJ comes up to the car and we get out, "You alright?" He looks at me the same way he did last night.

"Yeah, I'm good, you?" I stand face to face with him, well he's a little bit taller than me.

"Yeah," Suddenly he gives me a great big smile and hugs me, I can't help but cry a little bit.

"I'll be upstairs," Mike leaves.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He bends down to my height and wipes away my tears, it's like we have an almost instant connection, he wants to protect me.

"I'm just overwhelmed, I've been pretty much alone my whole life, when I lived with mom she was barely there, but it was better than being in care, but now I have family again,"

"You'll always have family with me," He hugs me again and we begin to walk, "This is so weird, I've always been the little brother, but the second I saw you and found out who you were, I just wanted to take care of you, I could see the pain in your eyes,"

"Really? When I saw you I thought you would want nothing to do with me, like Grandma,"

"Grandma knew about you?"

"Yeah, I mean she wasn't my grandma, she's on your dad's side, she hated me since the day I was born, I'm pretty sure she's the one who told social services that mom was on drugs," As we walk, I tell him my story, except for what I did, I can't tell him that yet. He tells me about his life too, and he tells me about Ty, and where he is. I guess we're all pretty messed up, we've all been in Juvie, but I tell AJ I was in for drugs, which I kind of was, but that's not the main reason. He was sent there for tagging, "When I saw that that cop was your foster dad, I thought you'd be some goody two shoes boy, but I guess we're more alike than I expected, how did you get a cop to foster you?"

"He's not like other cops, not like the racist ones, he protected me, after I got caught stealing from the drop in center, the Fosters took me in and then I guess Mike decided he wanted to foster someone too, and I was already there, we get on pretty well,"

"So Callie was your foster sister, isn't that like frowned upon?"

"It's illegal, we had to keep things under wraps until I finally got to live with Mike,"

"Well, good job with her, she's hot,"

"That's not why I fell for her, but it doesn't hurt, she's an amazing girl,"

"Yeah, I guess she is," I feel bad for being rude about her earlier at GU, I guess she was looking out for both of us.

"What about you, you seeing anyone?"

"No, Kiara seems to think one of the girls has a crush on me, but she kind of scares me, Juvie made me so weak, before that I could fight anyone and win,"

"You don't seem weak to me, you're a Hensdale,"

"True," We laugh, "We don't back down," I reminisce on one of the good days I had with mom, she took me out to her favorite spots around the city, she told me that Hensdale's are strong, especially the women.

"What about your dad?" He asks me.

"I never knew him, I guess I was an accident that he wanted no part of, you?"

"He died, I don't know much more than that, I don't even know what he looks like,"

"Mike's cool though, I wish I had a foster dad like that, I guess I'd rather a foster mom though, men don't seem to like me," I tell him all about moms ex-boyfriend, how he used to hit me if I talked back or left something messy, sometimes I still hear him yelling at me.

AJ and I walk around the city, he shows me the drop in center and introduces me to the guy in charge, and some of the other kids there, I've heard about this place but I never knew where it was. They offer counseling services for free, but I don't know if Rita would let me go. He takes me to the park and shows me the graffiti he did when he was looking for Ty, I guess it worked cuz they got reunited.

"Do you wanna meet him? Mike could drive us, visiting ends in two hours,"

"Have you told him about me? I'm kind of nervous,"

"Yeah, I called him this morning, he knew about you already, he'd seen you a while back, you were coming out of our old house and I he could tell you were one of us, I said you look like mom,"

"If he knew about me why didn't he try to help me? He never even tried to talk to me?"

"He thought you were happy, how could he know you were getting beat? He's sorry though, he wants to see you,"

"Okay, but not today, I can't face it yet, there's so much going on, and I start school tomorrow, I got some money from mom so I could go to a good school,"

"Anchor Beach?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I go there, so does Callie and her family, one of her moms is vice principal,"

"So one mom is a cop and the other one works at the school they go to? How do they have any fun?"

"They always find a way."


	3. Chapter 3

Rita drops me off at the school in the minivan, we already dropped the other girls off at their school, so it's just me. AJ said him and Callie would meet me inside though, but first I have to go see the vice principal, Callie's mom. I manage to find my way there pretty easily, I knock the door.

"Come in," I hear a voice say, I open the door and she a pretty woman with dark curly hair sat at her desk, "You must be Cressida, sit down," She gestures to a couch and sits down on the one opposite, I take a seat and shake her hand, "So we basically have these meetings with new students to make sure they know the rules and also so you can have your schedule, she hands me a sheet of paper.

"Cool," I smile, "this school is really nice,"

"Thank you, we do try," She laughs, "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

"Um, do you know what I did?" I ask.

"Yeah, I do, it's important that the school knows, but it's just me and the principal that know,"

"Please don't tell your kids," I beg.

"Of course not, is there anything else?

"I don't know, I'm kind of behind in math, how can I catch up?"

"Well there's after school study sessions every week,"

"After school? I have to go straight back to GU after school, I'm on probation,"

"Yeah, I heard all about that, if you like you can come here at lunch time on a Wednesday and I can help you out,"

"Really, you'd do that for me?"

"It is my job, I'm here if you need anything,"

"Thanks," I smile, and she sees me out, now I can meet Callie and AJ by the benches outside, I saw them on my way in, so I know how to get there, I see them leaning against the tree being all lovey dovey, but as soon as AJ sees me, they stop.

"Hey," He says and hugs me.

"Did you meet my mom?" Callie asks.

"Yeah, she's really nice, and Callie, I'm really sorry about the other night, I didn't realize I was putting you in an awkward situation,"

"No it's okay, I'm sorry I had to tell my mom but I've been in your situation and I would have wanted someone looking out for me, friendship is important," She holds my hand, I hug her, "Oh, Mariana!" She shouts over my shoulder, a girl comes over and joins us, "Cressida, this is my sister Mariana, Mariana, this is AJ's sister that I was telling you about,"

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," She shakes my hand, she's really pretty, "You're gonna like it here,"

"So people keep telling me, I can't believe this school is literally on the beach, the name doesn't lie," I laugh, "Are the teachers nice? I have English first,"

"Yeah the majority of them are, I have English too, we'll be in class together, with Timothy, he's awesome," Mariana tells me, I've never met anyone so enthusiastic about school before.

"As long as you don't have Kevin for Physics you'll be fine," AJ tells me.

"I take Chem, so I think I'm safe," We all stand and talk for a little while before the bell for homeroom rings, Mariana takes me to my homeroom and tells me I have homeroom with her twin brother Jesus, he arrives there at the same time as us so we get introduced, he's really hot too, this whole family is like a work of art. He lets me sit next to him inside.

"Cressida's a cool name, what does it mean?" He asks.

"It means gold, I don't know why my mom called me that though, but I guess it kind of suits me,"

"I think it might have something to do with your hair, it's pretty golden," I take a strand of my hair and look at it, I guess it is kind of golden, I never noticed before.

"Have you met either of my brothers?" I shake my head, "Well Brandon doesn't go here anymore he got early acceptance to Julliard, but Jude is in the grade below us," He looks at my schedule, "He's in your math class," He must have noticed that I was held back in math, I just can't get the hang of it.

"Cool," I try not to be embarrassed.

"And we're in the same class for study hall, but it's basically a free period, we can go anywhere on campus for that, I'll show you around the school, you've gotta see the view from the music room," I smile at him.

The day goes by pretty fast, it kind of bums me out because for once I'm actually enjoying school, I met Jude in math and he helped me out a lot, and Jesus spent all of study hall and lunch with me, I left my lunch at GU so Jesus gave me a few dollars to get a sandwich a drink.

"I've been to a lot of schools, all of them awful, even the kids, but there's not one person here who's messed with me, it's pretty refreshing," I eat with Jesus, Callie, and AJ.

"Well that's cuz you're lucky enough to already have people you know here, and now you know us, let's just stay no one messes with the Adams-Fosters," Jesus says, the others laugh at him, "No but really, if anyone does try to push you around, they'll have me to answer to," I smile at him, he looks me right in the eyes. I notice out of the corner of my eye that AJ and Callie are giving us a strange look, so I just go back to eating my lunch and try to ignore whatever that weird moment was.

They all wait with me for Rita pick me up, Callie comes with us too, she says it's because she needs more extra credit but I think she just likes spending time with Rita and Kiara. She helps us out with dinner. I start to think more about Ty, I know I should go and see him, not for him, for me, I need to know why he didn't even try to meet me. Maybe I should ask Rita if she'll take me to see him in my free period tomorrow. I wait until she's stopped chatting to Callie and I ask her at dinner.

"AJ said my other brother Ty wants to meet me, he's in prison, would you be able to take me tomorrow? I need to talk to him,"

"Is that such a good idea?" She asks.

"He made a mistake, but I don't think he's a bad guy, I just want to get to know him a little, please Rita," I beg her, "Only for like 20 minutes," I look at her with pleading eyes.

"Fine, what time's your free period?"


	4. Chapter 4

After Math with Jude, I avoid bumping into AJ while I go to Rita's minivan, I don't know why I don't want him to come with me, I guess I just want to do this on my own. Jesus spots me walking across the courtyard and runs over to me.

"Hey, where you going?" He asks and walks with me.

"I'm going to see Ty, please don't tell AJ, he'll want to come and I need to be independant," I ask him.

"Uh, sure, do you want me to come? I mean, I won't come in but I could wait outside for you," I stop, why is he being so kind to me, we only just met.

"No that's okay, Rita will be there," He looks slightly disappointed, "But, you could meet me after, we have social studies,"

"Yeah, okay," He smiles again, "Good luck," He kind of takes a small step closer and then suddenly kisses my cheek, then he simply just walks off. I stand there slightly shocked, but the honk of Rita's horn brings me back to reality, I shake it off and get into the car with her. She talks to me as we drive, but I've zoned out, I'm just thinking about Ty, and AJ, will he be mad? It doesn't matter, I'm doing this for me.

Before we know it, a security guard is escorting me into a small room, it has one of those two way glass windows, I sit down and the guard goes through another door, before I have time to freak out or panic he comes back in with Ty, he looks like AJ, and me. He looks shocked, the guard forces him down in his chair.

"Hi," I say. He just stares at me, "You know me don't you? You've seen me before,"

"Yeah, Cressida," When he says my name, it seems a small shiver went through him, "Grandma told me bout you, then I went to the house and I saw you come out, you were with mom, you looked happy, I didn't wanna disrupt you,"

"I wish you did, sure mom was treating me well, but that's more than I can say for Ali,"

"Ali, that makes sense now,"

"What does?"

"I know what happened, I know what you did,"

"How?" My stomach turns, how can he know? And why hasn't he told AJ? And why doesn't he hate me?

"He told me, we were boys til I found out what he was doing to you and mom," I'm the reason he finally left,"

"Mom told me she dumped him, that's why he left,"

"That's mom, she lies, I told him if he didn't leave you two alone, I would be after him," I can't believe this, if he hadn't have done that my plan would have worked, it wouldn't have gone wrong and I wouldn't have ended up in Juvie, and we would all be together in the end, without Ali, "Look, I know why you did it, and I don't blame you, I know you didn't mean to hurt her, but the important thing is that he's gone now,"

"But so is she! If you hadn't meddled in it all he would be dead, instead of mom!" I yell at him.

"Cress, calm down," He says to me.

"No, all this time I've been blaming myself but it was your fault, I came here hoping we could be a family, I thought you'd be mad at me!" I stress out, I start to cry a little but through my fury.

"Ma'am, you'll have to calm down or you're out of here," The guard says. I take a deep breath.

"Why didn't you tell AJ?"

"He was too young at the time, I knew he wouldn't understand, I can tell him if you don't want to," He still trying to be all nice to me.

"No! Don't tell him, he'll hate me, he loved mom so much," I could tell by the letter she wrote to him, I read it, and I watched as AJ read it, it broke his heart.

"Okay, okay I won't tell him," He tries to reach for my hand but I pull away, he's handcuffeed to the table, so he can't stretch for me, "Don't hate me, if I'd had known your plan I wouldn't have told him to leave, I thought I was protecting you. We both made mistakes, one of mine got locked up in here, you're lucky you were a minor, if you had been just two years older it would have been a lot worse,"

"Stop talking to me like that, I'm not a child, it wasn't a mistake, I knew what I was doing, but mom wasnt supposed to be in the house, it was supposed to be him!" I slam my fist down on the table, "You ruined everything!" I scream at him, I almost lunge across the table at him but the guard catches me before I can and drags me out kicking and screaming. He pretty much hands me over to Rita, she hugs me tight and strokes my hair while I let out my anger in a very vocal way until I'm worn out. I drop to the floor, bringing her with me.

"I'll take you back to the house," She says once I've calmed down a little, "I think you could do with a little bit of rest," she gets me into the van.

"No, it's okay, just take me to school," I remember that Jesus is waiting for me, I try to dry my tears and make myself more presentable, I don't want everyone seeing me like this.

I meet him at the bench that looks over the beach, he's stood next to a tree texting someone.

"Hey," I say, he looks up at me.

"You alright?" I thought I had made it look like I wasn't crying but I guess he can tell by my face that somethings wrong.

"Yeah, I am now,"

"Cressida!" I hear AJ call my name from behind me, I turn to face him as he walks over to us, "Hey, what's up?" He bends down to eye level like he did when we spent the day together, I can't help but cry a little again.

"Sorry, I went to see Ty, it was just emotional, I'm okay though," I lie, I just wish I could tell someone all of this and I could fully trust them not to freak out or tell anyone, AJ hugs me. Jesus leaves us alone and AJ ditches his next class to sit with me, I just want to blurt it all out to him, but he'll hate me and then I'll never have a chance at a family. So I let him comfort me anyway, it's nice but I just feel so dishonest, "Listen, you go back to class, I'm gonna go talk to Lena, she said I could whenever. He agrees. Maybe I could tell Lena everything, she knows what I did, maybe I really could talk to her about it.

Lena welcomes me into her office with open arms, she sits next to me on her couch as I cry softly.

"Can I really talk to you about anything?"

"Of course you can, sweetie, is this about what you-"

"What I did? You can say it, I killed her, I killed my mom," I can't cry anymore so I just laugh, "She wasn't supposed to be in the house!"

"I know,"

"No you don't, I know it's bad that I even tried to kill anyone but Ali deserved it, he was awful to me and mom, he was supposed to be in that kitchen, but my brother messed the whole thing up!"

"AJ?" She asks.

"No Ty, he found out what was going on and he got Ali to leave the country, mom was supposed to be out with her friends, he was supposed to come home and go in that kitchen, the gas was on, it was all ready, I had headphones on so I couldn't hear him struggle, but I couldn't hear mom scream, I locked her in and the air poisoned her, I still would have got in trouble but it wouldn't have been as bad and I would still have my mom and she would take care of me and we could get AJ back and even Ty and we would be a real family,"

"Some things just aren't meant to be, AJ's happy with Mike and Ty will get his life on track when he's out, you will too, you might get fostered and then you can do really well in life Cressida!" She tries so hard to comfort me.

"Who would want to foster me? I'm a murderer,"

"No you're not, it was an accident, plenty of people would foster you!" I suddenly have an idea.

"Would you?" I look up at her, with my big eyes hoping to strike a chord with her.

"I don't know-"

"Please, just temporarily, otherwise I'll end up in some awful abusive home, I know you and Stef are great, your kids love you so much, please Lena!" I beg, she stares back at me.

"I'll talk to Stef, but I can't promise anything!"


	5. Chapter 5

If Stef and Lena let me stay with them, everything will be so much easier, I'll be able to see AJ, even more, I'll have more time to do homework and maybe I could get a part time job so I can get a small apartment, then I can be independent, plus I'll have a support system, who better than the fosters? They have a spare room now that the oldest boy has left. This is supposed to happen I just know it is, I was only supposed to be staying at Girls United for a month and then I was going to get a placement, but I've never stayed anywhere other than GU that wasn't physically or mentally abusive, sometimes both. I've made friends with all of them, I don't see the harm in becoming part of the family for a little while. As I walk out of Lena's office, I run into Jesus.

"Hey, you alright now?" He asks.

"Yeah, much better, I talked to your mom, she's awesome,"

"Yeah, I guess she's pretty cool. If you ever wanna talk though," He stops me in the hall, "I'm here,"

"Thanks, Jesus, it's great to have a friend here, I've never really had a friend before," I laugh at myself and lean against the lockers.

"Actually, that's the thing," He leans next to me, "There was something I wanted to ask you," I look up at him in a confused way, "I like you, Cressida, as more than a friend, would you wanna go out sometime?" I'm shocked, I had no clue he liked me that way, I've always been pretty oblivious to stuff like this.

"Like a date? You want to take me out on a date?"

"Yeah, you up for it?"

"Uh, yeah, that sounds great," I smile from ear to ear, and I suddenly see him a different light, I thought the kiss on the cheek earlier was just a friendly thing, I get it now, "Where would you take me?" I boldly reach down and take his hand, we walk together.

"Wherever you want, the movies, the beach, we could grab dinner, or lunch, or breakfast,"

"I like the beach, we could bring a few snacks?"

"And I'll make a little fire,"

"Could we have smores?"

"Obviously," We go back and forth planning everything out until the lunch bell rings and everyone starts pouring out of their classrooms, we go and have lunch with Mariana and her friend.

"This is Emma, we're on the robotics team together," Mariana introduces us, she seems kind of cold.

"Hi," She says bluntly.

"Hi," I smile back, I don't really know why she's being strange with me, but I don't care, I'm having a great time with Jesus.

Callie, AJ, and Jude join us as well. I feel like I have a group of friends and a potential boyfriend on the horizon.

After Rita takes me home, I beg her to let me go out with Jesus for just an hour, and she finally gives in, but she sends Callie to spy on us, and she brings AJ. But they both trust me so I know they won't be too intrusive, Callie and I meet AJ and Jesus at the beach near school and Jesus and I walk off together, holding hands again. Callie and AJ wait a little while before following us.

"Sorry about the chaperones, it's the only way I was able to come," We sit down on one of the blankets he brought with him and he opens up the picnic basket, "This is amazing!" He hands me a plastic wine glass and pours lemonade in it, then he serves me some lemon cheesecake on a paper plate.

"I know how to treat a lady," He clinks his plastic glass against mine. I look back and see Callie and AJ sitting up on the dunes watching the sea, I take this as my chance to kiss Jesus, I've been desperate to since I found out he liked me, I just wanted to see what it would be like. As our lips come apart he smiles at me, "What was that for?"

"For treating me well, and because you're really cute and you make me nervous and boys don't tend to make me nervous so I thought if I just kissed you I would be fearless, I also tend to babble when I'm nervous so feel free to tell me to shut me-" He interrupts me with another kiss, "Up," I laugh. Then we dig into our cake and drink our lemonade. And then we just talk, he tells me about his birth parents, and how got put in foster care, and how he found Stef and Lena, his story has a happy ending, mine doesn't, mines not even over yet. I tell him everything I can, I can't tell him what I did because he'd never ever like in a million years.

It feels so good getting to know someone like this, especially Jesus, he's incredible, he's funny and smart, not like book smart, more like life smart. He just knows what's up. And every time I tell him something a little sad and I get upset, he knows exactly what to say to cheer me up. We keep checking to see when Callie and AJ aren't watching so we can kiss more, but eventually they walk down the dunes and tell us it's time to go back, Callie comes back to GU because she's staying the night again, and AJ drives Jesus home. I hope he's not the kind of brother to be awkward about this kind of thing.

"Soooo, how was it?" Kiara begs for gossip as Callie and I get ready for bed.

"Amazing, he's amazing," I say, then I look at Callie, "Sorry is this weird for you?" I ask her.

"No go ahead, I'll just zone out,"

"Okay, so he brought a really romantic picnic and he built a little fire and we talked about like everything and we kissed a lot,"

"Ugh," Callie says quietly, causing Kiara and me to laugh.

"He's just so sweet and incredible, I can't wait to see him tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

I barely slept last night thinking about Jesus, I can't believe how quickly I've fallen for him. I didn't even realise I liked him until he brought it up. He meets me at school in the spot where Rita dropped me off. The first thing he does is grab me by the waist and kisses me. Then we hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. It's AJ.

"Sorry," I laugh, "I'll see you in homeroom," I say to him. He kisses my cheek and walks away, recieving a look from AJ, "Everything okay?" I ask, we walk in together.

"Yeah, I just want to make sure you're good, like you and Jesus, we aint got any parents so I feel like I gotta-"

"You don't need to do anything, AJ, I'm not a kid, I can look after myself, you don't need to worry,"

"I know, I can't help it, you're my sister. I just want you to know I'm here for you," He puts his arm around me.

"Thanks, anyway we're not even official or anything, we're just havin fun," He raises his eyebrows, "Just dating, okay, nothing else, "I'll see you at lunch," I run off after Jesus but before I catch up to him, Lena stops me in the hall.

"Cressida, can I talk to you?" She asks, I look down the hall and watch Jesus go into class.

"Uh sure," I follow her into her office, "Is everything okay?" I assume it's to do with how bad I'm doing in math, I can't help it, I just don't understand it at all.

"So I talked to Stef," My eyes widen, I completley forgot I asked her to foster me, "She's okay with you coming to stay with us for a while,"

"Seriously!" I jump out of my seat, "Thank you so much oh my God!" I hug her, "I promise I'll be so well behaved and it won't be for long, just until I make enough money for my own place, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She laughs at my excitement I run out of her office to tell Jesus the good news, and then it hits me, it's agaisnt the law for foster siblings to date. I come to a stand still in the hall, then a hand touches my shoulder. I jump and turn around, "AJ, why aren't you in homeroom?"

"I saw you coming out of Lena's office, my homeroom is right opposite, you looked pretty happy, but you don't right now, what happened?"

"She and Stef are going to foster me,"

"That's amazing!" He hugs me, then he realises, "But-"

"But I can't date Jesus, it's okay, I guess you have to give some things up in life, I need a stable home more than I need a boyfriend,"

"Good, I'm glad you're making the right choice," He starts to walk me to my class.

"You just don't want me dating him," I laugh.

"Hey, I'm your brother, I don't want you dating anyone," I playfully nudge him, "Just tell him, okay? Secrets suck," He says as I walk into my class.

What he says hits me, secrets do suck, I can't keep what I did from him, I have to tell him eventually or it'll just keep eating at me, but one thing at a time, I'll tell Jesus we can't date first. I sit next to him and he leans over to kiss me but I give him the cheek.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, he knows me so well already.

"Yeah, um, no, I need to tell you something,"

"Okay, go on," He holds my hand but I yank it away.

"I'll tell you after homeroom, we'll go somewhere,"

"Alright," He realises that it's something pretty serious and he stops trying to be all coupley with me.

Homeroom feels like it lasts hours, but eventually it ends and I take him to the courtyard, it's pretty empty cuz no one walks through here between classes, I sit down at a bench.

"So what is it?" He won't sit down with me.

"Yesterday, before anything happened between us, I asked Lena for something, and she said yes,"

"What?" He crosses his arms.

"I asked if her and Stef could foster me,"

"Well that's great, you can live with us," He finally sits with us, "Why is this upsetting you?"

"Jesus, I really like you, but we can't date if were brother and sister,"

"They're not adopting you, your not reallly gonna be my sister, why can't we just keep it secret?"

"You'd lie to your moms?"

"Yeah, for you."


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, I don't go to school because I have to have a meeting with Stef, Lena, Rita and my social worker Bill. He just has to approve them which doesn't take long because he knows they're good parents. Rita seems really happy for me. Stef invites me to talk out on the porch while the others finish off some paperwork.

"Sorry for turning up at your house the other night, and thank you so much for letting me come to stay with you, I know you have a lot of kids,"

"It's okay, I know what it's like to have a connection with a child, and that's how Lena felt about you, I think we can get there too," She smiles.

"Thank you, it's not permanent though, I know you've already got a really full house, I just really needed a more stable environment so I can get on my feet, I want to conquer the world, I'm sick of it always beating me," She stares at me with a facsinated smile, "What?"

"You're a really wonderful young lady," I smile, no one's ever said anything like that to me before, "I think you'll fit in really well," She hugs me.

"Okay, all set," Lena and the others come outside and join us, "You are now officially fostered!" Lena hugs me too.

"Congratulations Cressida," Rita hugs me too, "See I told you good things do happen," I shake bills hand too. I grab my garbage bags with my clothes in from upstairs and I get into Lena's car.

I'm going to live in a home, an actual home, not just a house where messed up foster kids live with abusive adults who only take them in for the money. I'm going to live with a loving family, a house full of my friends. I'll be able to see my brother after school everyday, I'll still probably have to share a room, but that's okay, I don't like sleeping alone anyway.

"Okay, follow me, I'll show you your room," Lena carries my garbage bags upstairs, "Callie's moved into Brandons old room and you can take her bed,"

"That's so nice of her," I sit down on the soft sheets, "The sheets aren't scratchy, and they don't smell bad, they smell like," I take a big whiff, "Roses, this house is awesome!"

"I'm glad you like it," Lena begins to empty my bags into a draw, I don't have a lot of stuff, so I only take up one drawer.

"I don't know how I can thank you and Stef for all of this Lena, it's incredible, it's more than I ever imagined," I get up and hug her again,

"You can thank us by making yourself at home, and behaving of course, but you will be trusted in this house, as long as you trust us too, if there's anything you need to talk about, just come and get either of us, or one of the kids," I smile, I can't help but give her another tight, I truly believe she and Stef have saved my life.

I start to feel guilty, I can't lie to them, I have to end it with Jesus, I respect Stef and Lena and they're whole family to betray them like this. I need to have as little secrets as possible. It'll hurt Jesus, but it's not forever, just until I move out, but I can't expect him to wait for me. I get lost in my thoughts.

"Cressida?" Lena snaps me out of it, "I said Stef and I are going to work, Callie will be home soon, can I trust you here alone until then?"

"Yep, you don't have to worry about me," I follow her downstairs and I say goodbye to them. I watch them drive away and I decide to look around the house. There's pictures everywhere, they all look so happy, I feel so lucky to get to stay here. I see a lot of pictures of a boy playing piano, that must be Brandon. I see a piano in the living room. It looks a little dusty, I guess he's the only one who plays. Apart from me, I blow away the dust and I begin to play. I don't play the classic stuff, I like ballads and stuff like that. My guilty pleasure is She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, I used to play it on my keyboard. My mom got it for like $10 at a garage sale, some of the keys didn't work but I thought it was just magical, but playing on a real piano was something else completley, they keys work so perfectly and even though I'm not very good, it makes me sound amazing. I was so focused until I heard the door open and close, I turn and see Callie walking in.

"Hey," She smiles, "Moms told us all last night you were coming to stay, I guess it's kind of lucky you and Jesus decided to just be friends," I nod, "Was that you singing?" I didn't even realise I had started singing.

"You heard that?" I blush.

"Don't be embarrassed it was great, you're the perfect replacement for Brandon," She laughs, "Hey, you wanna help me put these groceries away?"

"Sure," I follow her into the kitchen and put things where she tells me too, "So your last two classes were cancelled?"

"Yeah, I had a double and my teacher was out sick, I love it when that happens,"

"In one of my old schools, my teacher came in to school even though she had food poisoning and she through up on a bunch of third graders, the video went viral,"

"No way, I saw that, Mrs. Vomas?"

"Yeah," We both crack, she pulls the video up on her phone and our sides split, Callie and I get on really well, "Hey thanks for giving up your bed for me, your room is so nice,"

"It's cool, I get a room to myself, I will miss Mariana though, she's a great roommate, she can be messy sometimes but if you just throw her stuff on her bed she puts away,"

"Thanks for the tip, anything else I need to know?"

"It's difficult to get in the bathroom, so either get up early or have night showers, and if you wake up to the sound of Mariana huffing and puffing, it's cuz she's practising her dance routines, she does that a lot," She laughs, I'm just kind of confused, "And we take turns making dinner, some nights moms cook, other nights it's me and Jude, then sometimes Mariana and Jesus, but Jesus can't cook and Mariana says it's not fair that she has to cook on her own so we all pitch in on those nights,"

"Well, I can cook, what are we having tonight?"

"Moms are making spaghetti, it's Mariana's night tomorrow, you can help out,"

"Cool, I make a mean lasagna,"

Callie and I sit in the living room and watch TV while we wait for everyone else to get home. It's been literally years since I watched TV, Mom couldn't afford it anymore, we still watched movies sometimes but all the DVDs were scratched and the VCR was on its last legs. There was a TV in Juvie but they only ever watched the news and that was just depressing. We sit and watch awful reality TV, but it's fun to judge all the crazy people.

Jesus and Mariana get home, he takes one look at me and mumbles a greeting and goes off upstairs, when no one is looking he smiles at me, I know he wants me to go up after him but it'll be too obvious if I went straight away, so I finish watching the show with Callie and then I go upstairs.

"Hey," I go in his room shutting the door behind him, he gets up from his desk and comes over to kiss me, "Jesus," I gently push him away, "I don't think this is a good idea, it doesn't feel right lying to your moms, they've taken me in,"

"So? It won't matter once you're out of here," He kisses me again, I try to resist but it just feels so right, "See, you can't help it, there's no point fighting it, what we have is real,"

"Jesus, are you sure you can do this? Callie said you tell Mariana everything, you can't tell her this,"

"I told you, I can do it for you," I grab his face and kiss him hard, then I walk out of his room as casually as I can, always leave them wanting more. I go into my new room and try as hard as I can not to feel guilty, I've been telling myself to stay away from secrets and lying, but I can't help it, it's like it's in my blood. I go back downstairs, Jude is home now and he offers to help me with my math homework. That's one thing in my life I can try to get right, so he and I sit in the yard and get started. Even the garden is incredible.

I try to focus on math but I can't stop thinking about Jesus, and AJ, he was so proud of me for making the right choice, and now I'm lying to him even more.


	8. Chapter 8

I can't sleep all night, this should be the first that I sleep well, this bed is so comfortable and the sheets aren't scratchy, but it's not the bed bothering me, it's Jesus. I already live with so much guilt, can I really add more to that? It's been a long time since I've liked anyone though, I just can't choose between a family and someone like Jesus, who makes me smile, makes me forget all the shit, who makes me feel loved.

"Are you okay?" I hear Mariana say from her bed, "You're tossing and turning a lot," She sits up and turns the lamp on.

"Yeah, I'm just, I don't know, it doesn't matter,"

"Yeah it does, what's bothering you?" I can try and tell her without mentioning his name, right?

"Well, there's this person that I like, and I shouldn't like them because it'll ruin everything for me and probably for them too. But this person likes me a lot too, and when we're together it's like everything's perfect and the rest of the world doesn't matter, but the second we're apart, I realize it's not perfect. If I decide to stay with this person, really bad things could happen to me, but if decide not to stay with this person, then I'm afraid I'll go back to feeling lonely and hopeless,"

"Okay, that's a lot to deal with, um is there any way around it?"

"I mean we could have a secret relationship but then I'll carry the guilt with me for God knows how long, I've got enough to feel guilty about," I start to cry a little, but I have to stay quiet or the others might here me.

"Oh, Cressida," Mariana gets out of bed and comes and sits with me, she strokes my arm as I let my tears out onto the pillow, "Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks me, "The things you feel guilty about?" I look up at her.

"Do you promise not to judge me or change your opinion me? I swear it was an awful mistake, it wasn't supposed to happen," I cry more.

"I promise, just calm down, talk to me," I sit up, "You're part of the family now and we look out for each other in this house,"

"Okay," I take a deep breath, "I guess I'll start from the beginning, when I was like 14, my mom started dating this guy, and he was really nice to me at first, but I see now that he was manipulating me, he got closer to my mom and me, then she asked him to move in, that's when he started to get her back into drugs again. It wasn't that bad at first, they do it in the day when I was at school and then they'd be asleep by the time I got home," Mariana listens intensely, "I was just a kid, I let something slip to a teacher at school, I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was enough to make Ali mad, he came into my room one day and started yelling at me, saying I was gonna get taken away from my mom if I said anything else, I started crying and that as the first time he hit me. He started to hit mom too, I hardly ever saw her so I couldn't even talk to her about it. He started hitting me for the stupidest things, if he spilled his beer, it was my fault, if he dropped his coke, it was my fault, if mom cried, it was my fault. So I started to hatch a plan, it was sick, but I didn't know what to do, I tried to tell my teacher but Ali had told her than I was a compulsive liar, I tried to tell the cops but they thought I was pranking them, so I went ahead with my plan. Mom was out with her friends and I knew Ali would be back from one of his drug deals soon, I went in the kitchen and I turned the gas on," Her eyes widen, "I wore a mask and waited outside. I heard a car pull up in the front, so I waited until I heard the front door open and close, I followed him in and shut the door behind him, locking and barricading, the kitchen was in the middle of the house so there were no windows, by this time I put headphones in so I didn't have to listen to him struggle," I sicken myself listening to these words, I notice I'm crying a lot now, "I went outside and waited a few hours," Then I heard another car pull up, that was supposed to be moms cab, but it wasn't it was Ali," Mariana looks shocked, "It was my mom in the kitchen,"

"Oh my God," She says, "I'm so sorry," She hugs me, I truly thought she would be terrified of me, "I can't imagine going through that, you don't have to worry, I completely understand why you did it, I would have done it to if I was in your situation, and if I had the balls,"

"Really? You're not freaked out?" I hold her hands.

"No, of course not," She hugs me again, and rocks me back and forth while I cry in her arms, then suddenly the main light is turned on and Stef is stood in the doorway.

"Is everything okay girls? It's pretty late," She comes and sits on a pouf near the bed.

"Cressida was having trouble sleeping,"

"I'm okay now, Mariana took care of me," I try to be strong but I end up bursting into tears again, "Sorry," I mumble. As Mariana stands, Stef takes her place next to me, she puts her arm around me.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, come on let's go get you a hot chocolate," She gets me up and takes me down to the kitchen, "Do you want to talk about it?" She hands me the warm mug and sits down next to me with her hand on mine.

"I talked a lot to Mariana, I kind of feel like I'm all talked out, but thank you, sorry I guess it's just really weird for my emotions being in such a new environment, I've never felt safe before, it's like my head doesn't know what to do now,"

"Tell your head to take a break, there's no need to panic," She smiles at me, "You can relax now that you're here,"

"Thank you, sorry, my first night in the house and I'm already disrupting everything,"

"It's nothing we're not used to, with all the kids in this house it's pretty rare that we're all asleep at the same time, most nights at least one of us is crying," She jokes, I appreciate that she's trying to make me feel better.

"I guess that's teenagers for you, I guess I just never realized I was this kind of person, the stuff I've been through makes teen drama seem so dumb, but it still gets to me,"

"You know what a lot of teens do? They say they don't wanna talk and then end up letting it all out," She laughs again.

Stef and I stay up for a little while longer, drinking our hot chocolate, I tell her what I told Mariana, I managed to keep myself from breaking down this time. Maybe every time I tell someone it will get easier, but it hurts so much to relive these memories, they get more vivid every time. Maybe soon I can bring myself to tell AJ.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I feel like I've split two different ways, part of me feels a lot better for talking to Stef about things the other night, but the other half of me feels guilty that I'm still keeping secrets. Jesus and I have been meeting in the bathroom every night to talk and kiss and stuff. I can't lie anymore. The only thing to do is end it with Jesus, I know I could tell AJ what I did, but I'm not ready for that yet. So the first thing I do on Saturday morning is wait for everyone to go out, I know he's waiting too, but I'm just going hurt him. The second the last Adams-Fosters leaves, I run upstairs to his room.

"Finally, I've hardly got to see you this week," He takes my waist and kisses me and again it feels so right, "Are you alright? You seem tense," He takes my hand and we sit on his bed.

"Jesus, I know you said you would do this for me, keep this secret, but it's eating me alive, Stef and Lena and all the others are so good to me, and I'm betraying all of them,"

"No you're not, don't think of it that way,"

"There's no other way to think of it, I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore," I burst into tears and run out of his room, I grab my purse from my room and leave the house. I run for a little while and find myself standing outside of Girls United. I stare up to the window of the room that I used to share with Kiara, "Why am I here?" I say to myself.

"Maybe you missed me," I hear Gabi's voice from behind me.

"Gabi, shouldn't you be inside?" I ask her, she approaches me in a slow way.

"No, I got out, I live with Daphne now, until I make enough money for my own place, shouldn't you be at your new foster home?" She circles me, giving me that smirk she always does.

"Stuff's hard right now, I had to get out with me, if you don't live here then why are standing outside like me? Stuff hard for you too?"

"No, I'm picking up the rest of my stuff, come on," She randomly takes my hand and pulls me up the steps, "You can help me," I don't resist and I go with her to the door, Rita lets us in and she starts to chat but Gabi ignores her and pull me upstairs to her old room, no one else is in there, I sit down on her bed, I thought she would start getting her stuff together but she just sits next to me and stares at me, smirking still.

"Why do you always look at me like that?" I smirk back, making it a sexy as possible, that's what she does.

"Cuz you're hot," It takes me aback, "Oh come on, don't act like you haven't noticed, I could never take my eyes off of you when you were here, and I know you think I'm hot too,"

"Sounds more like you know you're hot,"

"So you admit it, you think I'm hot?" I look away.

"I guess, I don't know," She takes my chin and turns my head to face hers again, I have nothing to lose now, "Fine, you're hot," I lean in and kiss her, she doesn't resist in the slightest, she pushes me back and climbs on top of me, it goes on for quite a while. Kissing her is a lot different that Jesus, she really goes for it, and I like that.

"Wow," She sits up, "Better than I thought you'd be, here," She pulls my phone out of my phone to put her number in, "Call me," She hands it back to me and grabs a bag and then just leaves.

She literally left me in her bed. I leave the house without being noticed. I don't know where to go now, I still can't go home cuz Jesus is there, I can't go to school cuz it's a Saturday, I can't go see AJ because I'll feel too guilty, Callie's working, Mariana's studying with Emma who hates me for some reason, Jude is with his boyfriend. And Stef and Lena are out spending the day together. I'm alone. I'm so confused now, I don't like Gabi in that way, but that was fun and carefree, but I know I couldn't tell anyone about a relationship like that, and I just can't take it anymore, all these goddam secrets.

As I cross the road, I forget to look and suddenly hear the sound of a car screeching towards me, but it's too late, there's no time to move. Everything flashes before me as I hear the impact the car makes with my body. But it's like I'm watching it happen, I can't feel anything. Then it goes blurry, then dark, then black.


	10. Chapter 10

My eyes feel almost like they're glued together as I try to peel them open, the lights above me shine brightly in my eyes. For a split second, I think maybe I didn't make it, and this is heaven, but the beeping of hospital machines reminds me I am not that lucky.

"She's awake," A lady comes to my bedside, a nurse, "Hi, sweetie,"

"It was my fault, I didn't look when I crossed," My voice sounds so croaky.

"Don't you worry about that, you just count yourself lucky okay, do you want me to get one of your moms?" She asks. I feel confused, forgetting that I was fostered last week, they're not my parents, but I nod anyway. She walks out and I look down at my body, I'm covered in cuts and bruises and my ankle is all wrapped up. For a moment I'm terrified I might be paralyzed, so I try my hardest to wiggle my toes and move my legs, luckily I can, they just feel a little numb and tired.

"Hey, sweetie, how ya feeling?" Lena says, as she and Stef come and stand either side of my bed.

"Just really tired, sorry about this," I laugh, "I guess trouble just follows me,"

"You could say that again, it's okay love, we're just glad you're okay," Stef says, "Oh you're legs are moving, that's great!"

"Were they not moving before?"

"They were the first few days, and then they were completely unresponsive," She touches my leg just above my bandage.

"Few days?" I feel a little disoriented, "How long have been out?"

"You've been in and out for about a week, you don't remember being awake the past few days?" I shake my head, "You were up eating toast, talking nonsense, AJ's got a video of you, it's pretty funny actually," Lena laughs.

"AJ, is he here?"

"He's been here all week, Mike took him home, he was exhausted. Ty was here too," Stef says it quietly as if the quieter she talks the less angry it will make me, but I keep my cool.

"How? He's in prison?"

"He had a temporary compassionate release," Compassionate is the last word I would use to describe him, "It doesn't matter about him, Mariana and Jesus are still here, you want me to get them?" Stef asks me, I nod, and she leaves me alone with Lena.

"I'm so glad you're okay sweetie, you scared the crap out of me," She strokes my hair, "The doctor said once you're a little less groggy you'll be good to come home, it's only your ankle that's sprained,"

"That's good I guess, it could have been a lot worse, I'll pay you back for the hospital bills when I get a job,"

"Don't worry about that right now sweetie, come on, I'll sit you up," She pushes the button on the side of my bed and I move so I'm sitting upright.

"Hey!" Mariana and Jesus come in.

"Alright, I'm just going to get some coffee," Lena says and leaves.

"Hey, how are you?" Mariana asks me, I feel Jesus' hand secretly slip under my blanket to hold mine, I squeeze it.

"I'm fine, just tired and sore, apparently I'm really lucky,"

"Yeah you are, they said if you had hit your head you might have had brain damage or something," Jesus said, I can feel his gigantic hand stroke mine.

"Mariana, do you think you get me some water? My mouth is so dry,"

"Sure, I'll be right back," Jesus and I both watch patiently as she closes the door behind her, the second it closes we both turn to each other and we kiss.

"I'm so glad you're okay, I thought I'd lost you, it made me realize that I can't make you be with me, life is short and you have to do what's best for you,"

"No, you're right about life being short, I like you a lot Jesus and I don't know how long I'll be around so I want to make the most of my time with you, but there are things you need to know, I've done some pretty bad-"

"What's going on?" We turn to the door and AJ is standing there staring at us, I quickly drop Jesus' hands and try to act normal.

"Nothing we just-"

"Jesus, I think you just go," He says, neither of us argue back. AJ slams the door behind Jesus, "What the hell are you doing? I thought you wanted to be fostered, for your future, Cress, you can't do this." He sits on the edge of my bed and I sit up to face him.

"AJ, I can't help it, I've been fighting this and trying to figure out what to do, but I really like him and I can see a future with him,"

"If Stef and Lena found out about this-"

"They won't, please AJ, don't tell anyone, I'm not gonna be living with them for that long, and it's not like I'm actually related to any of them," He looks at me, he sees that I need this.

"Fine, but you've gotta be careful, that could have been anyone standing in that doorway, you're lucky it was me," He's still so mad, he just walks out. He ignored Mariana as he passes her in the hall, she comes in smiling with a cup of water, but her smile fades when she sees me.

"What was all that about?" She hands me the cup, "Was it what you told me last week?"

"No, it was something else, but I still have to tell him that, but if he was mad at me for this other thing he's gonna freak out if I tell him about mom,"

"Yeah but he's your family, nothing comes between that,"

"I don't know, he's really angry,"

"Hey, Mariana," We look to the door and there's another visitor, it's the boy from the photos, Brandon.

"Brandon," She hugs him, "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, moms told me what was going on and I just wanted to come back and check on you guys. Hi," He turns to me, "I'm Brandon," I shake his hand.

"I'm Cressida, you're replacement," I joke.

"It's nice to meet you, sorry about the accident. Mariana, moms said to tell you to meet them outside, they're waiting for you and Jesus, they have to get to work and you've got school,"

"What about Cressida? She can't stay here alone, that's so sad,"

"I'm gonna stay if that's cool?" He asks me.

"Yeah, whatever," I smile.

"Ugh fine, I'll see you later Cress," Mariana hugs me.

Brandon pulls up a chair next to me and kind of awkwardly looks around, he's a cool guy, I mean he has a good sense of fashion and his hair isn't tragic. He seems nice too, and I already know he's talented.

I go back to thinking about my feelings for Jesus, I know the guilt will eat me, but I've made my choice now. If I can just tell him and AJ what I did, maybe some of the guilt will fade away, but I might lose them both. I just know I have to at least one thing right in my life.

"You okay? You look a little... troubled," Brandon says.

"Yeah, just dealing with a moral dilemma," I laugh.

"You wanna tell me about it, I've had my fair share,"

"I guess, well basically, I'm seeing someone, and he's awesome he's great, we work so well together, the only thing is, the relationship can't be, it's wrong, and if people found out we would both get in a lot of trouble," I basically tell him the exact situation without using any names, "I like him a lot and I don't want him to get in trouble, but I feel without purpose if I don't have him, and he says he feels the same,"

"I've been there... like literally, that exact thing happened to me,"

"Really? With who?" He seems like such a good boy.

"Callie," He laughs, I'm in pure shock, "Yeah I know, it seems so gross now, she's my sister. It happened before she was adopted though,"

"Did anyone find out?"

"Yeah, everyone did, I had to move out, and then she had to move out, and then my mom got a restraining order from her, it was a huge mess,"

"So that's what'll happen to- to my boyfriend,"

"How do you know it'll be that bad? Who is it?" I give him one sorrowful look and he figures it out, "Cressida, you can't, you can't date Jesus, just wait until you're not fostered anymore, when you age out of the system, trust me you don't want to get into this, and you don't want to end up back in another group home, and Jesus will get in so much trouble! I know we just met and I can't really tell you what to do with your life, but I have to look out for Jesus,"

"I know, but... I think, I don't know, but I think I love him," He doesn't respond, "You won't tell anyone will you?"

"No, I won't, but I really think you should end it, if Jesus feels the same way about you, he'll wait for you," He looks me in the eyes, "You have to be smart about this, this isn't just about the two of you, this could mess up the whole family,"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I ask Brandon to take a walk so I can have some time alone to think about things. I know I keep going back and forth with this, but I've made my decision, I want to be with him. They'll understand one day, but they don't have to know right now. But I still feel like I have to tell Jesus and AJ about what I did to my mom, I've thought a lot about it and I think Jesus will be able to understand it and get past it, his sister could, but I just don't know about AJ. Sure we've had time to talk about our lives, but I haven't had time to really get to know him and how he acts in certain situations. Jesus has already proved to me that he's strong, I'll have to wait and see with AJ. I know the longer I keep it from him the more it will upset him, then he'll be mad at Ty too, he knew this whole time.

Once Brandon comes back, we talk more, he seems to like to talk about his family a lot, and how great they are, but he seems to avoid talking about Jesus, which I understand. He tells me about his music too, and Julliard, he loves it there but he's home sick.

"So are you sleeping in your old room tonight?"

"No there's not much point in moving Callie's stuff out of there, you'll be home soon anyway and there's no room for all of us, I'm staying at my dad's,"

"And that's Mike, my brother's foster dad?"

"Is it weird for you? Having all of your parents foster and adopt and all that?"

"I mean, it was at first, but I'm used to it now, we're a family, I haven't known AJ that long but he's a good guy, and he and my dad really care about each other. Who am I to get in the way of that?"

"Well, you are his biological son, if you don't love AJ staying there you can say something about it," I'm happy AJ has a good home and foster dad, but I kind of wish it was just me and him.

"No, it's a little late for that, with the adoption underway,"

"What adoption?" He looks at me really awkwardly, "Mike's adopting my brother?" This is not fair.

"Sorry, I don't think I was supposed to bring that up, come on aren't you happy for him?" Happy? No, I'm furious.

"He's my family, not Mike's, we need to be together,"

"Him getting adopted doesn't change that, look, pretty soon he'll be 18 and it doesn't matter if he's adopted or not, you'll still be a family no matter what,"

"Whatever," I cross my arms and face away from him.

"Alright, well, mama just text me, she's on her way back here," He gets up and hovers for a second, "Okay well bye," He leaves.

I look over to my left and see my cell phone lying on the table next to me, I grab it angrily dial AJ.

"Hey, you okay? I just left you," His voice sounds a lot less angry than it did earlier.

"Why didn't you tell me you're getting adopted? That's kind of a big thing AJ,"

"Okay first of all," His voice gets angry again, "Nothing's set in stone yet, it's just something that Mike and I are talking about, second of all, I don't think you should be judging me for keeping secrets," He shuts me up right away, "Yeah and don't think I don't know you're hiding something else from me, I might not know exactly what it is but, you're not a very good liar, I can see right through you," He hangs up.

He knows, he knows I did something bad. He is going to be so much angrier when he finds out. Why do I only ever seem to make things worse for myself? And everyone around me. If I had just stayed in Juvie, none of this would have happened.

"Hey sweetie, I brought you a snack," Lena comes in smiling, I try my best to act like I'm fine, I smile and thank her, but she's a mother, she can tell when something's not right, "Okay, talk to me," She says, she doesn't really give me an option to say no.

"AJ knows I'm hiding something from him, he's mad at me," I burst into tears, "I just found him I don't want to lose him.

"Honey, you won't lose him, he's family, you'll get through it, you just need, to be honest with him,"

"I can't, if he was mad about keeping secrets, this will drive him crazy, he'll never wanna see me again, or Ty," Lena puts her arm around me.

"You don't know that for sure, but right now he's mad at you and you don't know how long that will last, wouldn't rather take a chance and tell him, he might surprise you," She's right, he is family and I should try and trust him even if it ends up being a mistake, "At the very least you'll know you did the right thing," But I didn't, I murdered my mother, "Honesty is always the best choice,"

"If I do tell him, and I lose him I'll have no one,"

"That's not true, you've got me," She picks my chin up, "Come on little one, try to think positive thoughts," She rocks me, I feel like a little kid again, when I would cry my mom would rock me like this, it always made me feel so safe and warm and loved, but back then there was no guilt, this time the guilt hits me like a ton of bricks, I pull away from Lena.

"Thanks, Lena, I'm really tired, I think I'll try and sleep," I lie down.

"That's a good idea, I'm going to stay here with you tonight, but when you wake up one of the others might be here," She strokes my arm, "Just close your eyes and forget about everything for a little while," She kisses my cheek. And more guilt floods through me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry, this chapter is so short guys!**

* * *

I end up barely sleeping at all, Lena does though, I don't know how she manages to in that uncomfortable looking arm chair. If I could I would offer her my bed. There would be no point trying to sleep anyway, there's always nurses coming in and out of her to check on me. They wake Lena up every time as well, but she falls asleep straight away afterward. In the morning, Lena wakes up for the day.

"Cressi, I've gotta go to work now. Brandon's on his way back to sit with you, do you think you'll be okay for 10 minutes on your own?" She strokes my face. I nod. I'm too exhausted to speak. I finally manage to close my eyes and fall asleep, only to dream about the car accident over and over again, and every time the car hits me the dream starts over, after this goes on for a while, I wake up just as the car hits me.

"Hey, Cressida, calm down," Brandon is next to me, "Bad dream?"

"Yeah," I huff and puff as if I've just run a mile.

"Well you're okay here, I promise," He smiles at me, "Do you need anything?" He asks as he closes his book.

"No, I'm fine," I look at him, "Brandon, I'm sorry about yesterday, I was really rude, you were trying to be kind to me and I shut you down,"

"That's okay, you're feelings made total sense, I'd act the same," He smiles and turns back to his book. We end up just sitting around all day, not talking much, but every now and then he'll tell me what's happening in his book, I don't pay attention but it's nice that he's so excited. Finally, Stef comes back, still in her uniform from yesterday.

"Hey Cress, how you feeling?" She comes and sits on my bed and holds my hand. I keep thinking that if I was still in a group home and this happened to me, I wouldn't have all these people taking turns to look after me.

"I'm okay, just really tired, I think it's all the painkillers,"

"I guess I'll go home then, and get started on dinner," Brandon says, I must have slept all day, "See you later," He leaves.

"Thanks, B. I talked to the doctor, he said you can come home today," Stef smiles at me. She called it home.

"Really?" I perk up a little, "That's great,"

"Yeah, but we don't even know if you're good to walk yet," She stands, "So come on, get up," She helps me sit upright and swing my legs over the side of the bed, she hands me some crutches.

"How long will I need these?"

"He said just a week or two, it's really up to you, whether you feel alright without them," She helps me get on my feet.

"Ah," I try to stand n my bad foot.

"Careful, try to hop," She supports me as I try and maneuver back and forth around my room, "There you go, you're getting the hang of it," She sits me back down, "Put these on, I'll get your stuff and we'll get going, the car's out front," She smiles at me, she looks really proud of me. No one's ever been proud of me before.


	13. Chapter 13

I have to take a few days off school when I get back to the Fosters, which pisses me off because I'm already a year behind in Math, I don't wanna fall behind in anything else. I get Jude to bring me my classwork and homework so I can stay a little bit up to date, Lena and Stef continue to tell me they're proud of me, it only pushes me harder to do well. I've tried my best not to think about the things I've done or the thing I'm doing. When I'm with Jesus and we get to be alone, I just try to enjoy that, rather than see the downside to it. All the other kids have part time jobs or a significant other that they spend their time with, so Jesus and I end up having a lot of alone time. When Stef and Lena are home we just hang out in his room, they don't think anything of it, we just tell them we're helping each other with homework. But I think maybe he's starting to feel the guilt to, he said he could live with it, but I really don't think he could.

"Jesus," I pull his attention away from his English textbook, "Talk to me, what's up,"

"Huh? Nothing, I'm fine," He shrugs me off. I grab his hand.

"No you're not, what is it Jesus?"

"It's just," He lets out a sigh, "I think maybe,"

"You think maybe I was right? About us, the first time I mean,"

"Yeah, I don't know, it's harder than I thought, I like you a lot, like a lot, I'm really falling for you and it's making it even harder," he gets up and shakes it off a little, "I just wanna show you off to the world but I can't even tell my moms,"

"Okay, I get it," I get up to leave, "I'll see you at dinner I guess,"

"No, stop," He grabs my hand, "I don't wanna end it like this, I don't wanna end it at all, I just think it's what's best,"

"Yeah I know, that's what I said before, I get it, Jesus," I try to leave again.

"For now," He stops me, "When you move out, I'll still be here, I'll wait for you," He grabs me and kisses me so passionately I feel like I'm starting to melt.

"You will?"

"Forever if I have to," I give him one last small kiss and I leave his room, and I'm met with Emma standing outside.

"Oh, hey Emma, I didn't know you were here, you staying for dinner?"

"Yeah, I am," She's giving me that look again, "You're off your crutches, that's great,"

"Yeah, the doctor said I improved really quickly and he gave me the all clear," The way she stares at me makes me uncomfortable, "Um so, I'm gonna go study some more, I'm going back to school tomorrow," I quickly remove myself from the situation and go to my room, Callie's been sleeping on a fold out bed so I can stay in her bed now that Brandon's back, but when I get in there there's papers and books everywhere, Mariana is sat in the middle surrounded by the mess.

"Oh, sorry Cressida, Emma and I have to get all of this done by tomorrow, her laptop is broken so she's been hand writing all of this code for weeks, now we actually have to put it into the system it might take all night," I step around the piles of mess and notice Callie sat in the corner reading.

"Okay, uh, it's just, well where are we going to sleep?" I laugh and move a stack of paper over so I can sit down.

"Don't touch that!" She makes me jump, "Everything is organized if one paper goes missing it'll screw everything up," She straightens up the stack and puts it back.

"Mariana, are you okay?" Callie puts her book down.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine I'm just a little stressed, this has to get done tonight,"

"Um okay, Cress, why don't we make camp downstairs?"

"Sure, I'll grab some pillows,"

Callie and I sit at either end of the couch with our feet on the arm chairs and we moved the TV a little closer so we could watch from our new beds for the night.

"What's going on?" Stef walks in from the kitchen.

"Mariana's taken over our room so we're improvising," Callie says as we munch on popcorn. Stef simply rolls her eyes and walks upstairs, I'm assuming to have a word with Mariana. "So do you like it here?"

"Uh yeah, it's cool, you're all so nice and no one locks me in anywhere,"

"You got locked in too? A lot of families did that to me and Jude, but I guess we always had each other,"

"Yeah, you're lucky, but it doesn't matter now, I know that Stef and Lena would never let me end up in that situation again, even if I can't keep living here I'm sure they would help to make sure I end up somewhere good, like Girls United, I didn't like it there but I've definitely stayed in places much worse,"

"Like Juvie?"

"Yeah,"

"Yeah it does suck,"

"You were in Juvie? Why what did you do?"

"I smashed up my foster dad's car, with good reason though, he was beating on Jude, I had to stop him somehow,"

"And you got punished for it? The foster system sucks, if I was in charge, I would make sure nothing like that ever happened to any kid, ever,"

"Me too, but unfortunately that's not the way the world works, we just have to keep fighting the system until someone important notices us, we just gotta scream loud enough,"

Callie and I bond over our experiences in Juvie, she tells me about her and Brandon too, I have to act surprised if she found out I knew she would wonder why and then I'd have to tell her about Jesus, but that doesn't matter anymore, it's over, for now. And now I don't feel like I have to tell Jesus what I did.

"AJ keeps asking about you," she tells me, "He really misses you,"

"He's mad at me, remember,"

"Yeah and he won't tell me why, I get it, it's none of my business, but if you do wanna tell me, I'll listen,"

"The thing is Callie, the reason he's mad is because I'm keeping something from him, but I can't tell you either, it's not that I don't want to, and I want to tell AJ too, but I don't think he would forgive me, I would tell you, Callie, but I honestly don't think I could put myself through it, if you really wanna know, ask Lena at dinner, she'll tell you all,"

"Okay, okay I will,"


	14. Chapter 14

As we all sit down to dinner, I start to get extremely nervous, why did I tell Callie she could ask Lena in front of all of the others? I know I feel better once they all know but I'm terrified for their reaction. I'm assuming Stef already knows, and Mariana knows too, so that only leaves Callie, Jude and Jesus, I have no idea how he'll react. I guess it doesn't matter, we're not together anymore, he probably won't wait for me though. Whatever, I have to live with my mistakes.

"Where's Mariana?" Lena asks noticing she's the only one missing from the table.

"She's in her room with Emma, they're writing code," Jesus starts scarfing down his food, I'm trying not to look at him because all I wanna do is kiss him.

"Mariana!" Stef shouts up the stairs, "Time for Emma to go, it's dinner time," Moments later she comes stomping down the stairs.

"We have to get this done by tomorrow morning, it's important," She starts to storm off again.

"Mariana, get back here," She reluctantly turns around, "You're going to ask Emma to leave and you're going to have dinner with us as a family," This whole evening just got more intense.

Callie keeps staring at me all throughout dinner, she waits until Stef and Lena are done asking about school and stuff, everything goes quiet.

"Lena, can I ask you something?" I avoid eye contact with her, but I can feel her eyes burning through me.

"Sure honey,"

"Uh, Cressida says you know," She pauses to look back at me, but I stare down at my dinner, "She says you know her secret, and that I should ask you,"

"Callie, maybe you shouldn't-" Mariana says.

"It's fine," I say, still not looking up.

"Um, Cressida, are you sure you want this?" I just nod, "Okay, then I guess I'll tell you all," Now Jesus won't stop staring at me. Half of me wants to tell Lena not to say anything, but the other half knows that I'm much better off having the people around me know, "Cressida was convicted for manslaughter," All of them look at me, I still can't look any of them in the face, "She was trying to save herself and her birth mother from an awful situation, and it was her mother that lost her life, it was a mistake, that she regrets deeply. Right Cress?"

"Right?" I whisper, trying to fight back tears.

"You killed your mom?" I'm still not looking at him but I know Jesus is disgusted.

"Jesus!" Stef yells.

"What? You're the ones who invited her to live with us, how could you keep this from us?" He gets up slamming his plate down, "And how could you keep this from me?" He points at me, he shakes his head and storms out.

"Jesus, please!" I try to follow him, but Stef stops me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Let him cool down, sweetie," She wraps her arms around me. I turn back to face the others. They're all shocked, Mariana sits there unsure of how to help me.

"I'll talk to him," She says hesitantly and follows him up the stairs.

"Come on, let's finish dinner," I sit back down to eat.

"Well, I understand, I mean I don't know the whole story but if my moms trust you, then so do I," Brandon sort of pats me on the back, but it's reassuring.

"Yeah, me too," Jude smiles. I look to Callie, we were becoming friends, I hope she doesn't hate me.

"I'm a little lost, if I'm being honest, but yeah, I trust Stef and Lena's judgement,"

"Oh," I sigh with relief, "Thank God, I need to talk to Jesus," I get up.

"Cress," Brandon stops me, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine," I go upstairs and I hear him and Mariana talking from outside.

"I don't get why you're so mad at her, yeah what she did was really dumb but it was a mistake and it was a long time ago, she's done time for it, don't punish her anymore," Mariana says.

"You don't get it Mariana, she lied to all of us, and so did moms,"

"I know, but she was terrified to tell all of you, that's why she asked mama to do it,"

"You knew about this as well? What the hell Mariana why didn't you tell me?" I peak through the crack in the door and see the fury in his face.

"Why do you care so much? You've known her like ten minutes and I've never seen you spend any time with her,"

"That's where you're wrong,"

"What does that mean?" I start to panic he's going to tell her, "Are you like, into her?"

"No, no of course not," I take a sigh of relief, "It's just, we were getting on really well and I feel like everyone's always keeping secrets from me,"

"Well that's your problem, your insecurity and you have to learn to live with that," Suddenly Mariana opens the door to me, they both see me standing here red faced, she walks past me.

"Jesus, let me explain,"

"I don't wanna hear it," He tries to shut the door on me but I'm strong enough to push past him, "I'm serious, get out,"

"Please, just listen to me for a second," He looks at me, I feel like I've broken his heart.

"Fine, you have 30 seconds,"

"My moms boyfriend was awful, he used to beat the crap out of me and my mom, I was trying to hurt him, there was no other way, he told my teachers I was a compulsive liar and the copes thought the same thing, I had no one to turn to, it was my only option,"

"This doesn't explain why you killed your own mother, you complain about being a foster kid but it's your own fault!"

"I was trying to kill him!" I scream, "I know it's awful and I would have gone to Juvie anyway, but I had to do something to help my mom, he would have killed her, but my mom ended being the one in the kitchen, I was trying to gas him, but I had headphones so I couldn't hear any struggling, I waited until I heard him go into the kitchen, I didn't check, it wasn't him,"

"Your 30 seconds are up, get out," He pushes me hard out into the hall and slams the door, I fall face first on the floor.

"Oh my God, Cressida," Mariana and Callie rush over to me and help me up.

"What is going on up there?" Stef comes up the stairs and sees me grasping my ankle in pain, "Is your ankle acting up?"

"No, Jes-"

"Yeah," I stop Mariana, I don't wanna get Jesus in trouble for pushing me, "I just rolled on it, it's fine,"

"Alright well let's get you sitting down," She tries to help me into our room but we're stopped when she sees the papers everywhere, "Oh for Godsake, come on," She and Callie help me down the stairs to our make shift beds. Callie and I end up crashing early for the night, but we don't sleep we talk more, she asks me more questions about my story but I tell her it's really hard to talk about, and that one day I will tell her, just not yet.

"So... Are you going to tell AJ?" She asks me, she says it delicatley trying to protect my feelings.

"I don't know, if Jesus reacted like that, how will AJ react?"

"It's just that even Mike knows, and now everyone knows, I think he'll even madder knowing he was the last one to find out, even Ty knows, I just can't face it. God I'm so weak," I sit up.

"You're not weak, look at what happened today, you're still standing strong, yeah you're a little scared but you got through it, and that's what matters, I think you can tell him and get through it," She basically says all the things Mariana said to me. I really do feel loved in this house.

"I really thought you'd all hate me and have Stef and Lena kick me out,"

"No of course not, and even if we weren't cool with it we still wouldn't get a say in whether or not you stay, either way, you have to put up with us for a while," She laughs.

"Are you kidding? You guys are the ones putting up with me, you lost your bed, there's hardly any hot water in the mornings, if you hadn't of been sleeping on that fold out bed, then Mariana wouldn't have to spread her coding out everywhere, and if I wasn't here none of that crap with Jesus would have happened,"

"We're glad that you're here, well maybe not Jesus but the rest of us are. You know, I don't get why Jesus is so mad, it's like he's taking it all personally, you guys went on one date like two weeks ago, it's not like it was anything serious,"

"Callie there's something else you need to know," I avoid eye contact again, my only tactic for surviving these days, "Brandon had already told me about the two of you before you did,"

"He did?" She seems confused but not mad, "Why?"

"He was giving me advice about something, about someone," I look her in the eye, so I don't have to say it.

"Oh, God, Cressida," She buries her face in her hands.

"We ended it though, before today, we knew it was stupid and we couldn't live with the guilt, but that's why he's so angry with me, because I kept it from him, please don't be mad Callie,"

"I'm not mad, I'm just surprised, but I'm glad you ended it, but what are you going to know? Moms will start to figure he's not mad for the reasons he says he is, then what?"

"I just need to get him to understand why I couldn't tell him, then your moms won't need to know anything, you're not going to say anything are you?"

"No, no of course not, just don't fall for him harder, keep your distance, I'll talk to him for you,"

"Thank you," She hugs me tight and strokes my hair.

"It's okay, now, let's get some sleep."


	15. Chapter 15

Jesus won't talk to anyone, not even Mariana, but I've gotten a lot closer to her and Callie in school and stuff and they've been helping me out, they tell me that I should stop stressing about Jesus and I need to focus on telling AJ and then, whatever happens, I need to focus on school and getting a job. They remind me I went looking for AJ to get my life on track, and I was lucky enough to find a foster home that can help me through it.

"You keep feeling guilty about all this stuff but you're just putting yourself first, which is what you need to do sometimes," Callie tells me as we sit on the beach at lunch.

"Yeah, you're allowed to try and have a good future, you just need do it better ways,"

"You guys are so right, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna tell AJ tonight, he's coming over for dinner right?"

"Yeah then we were gonna study together, but that doesn't matter, you can have him. Mariana and I will be around if you need us there or something,"

"He's your boyfriend, Callie, if this hurts him, he's going to need you," I tell her.

"Are you sure?" I nod to her, "Okay, well I'll meet you guys later to walk home," She says as she notices AJ waiting for her across the courtyard. He won't even look at me.

"God this is gonna be so hard, but I can do it, right?"

"Of course you can, once you've lived with the Adams-Foster women for a while, it starts to rub off on you," She laughs.

After lunch Mariana and I have different classes, and my next one is with Jesus, he sits behind me and I can hear him shaking his leg under the desk, I can't help but feel nervous he's gonna lash out on me again. I get so nervous about talking to AJ later that I have to be excused from class, I barely wait for Timothy to let me go before I run out of the classroom. I feel like I'm gonna puke, as I'm running through the hall to get to the bathroom I literally run into Lena.

"Hey Cressida, you shouldn't be running on that ankle-"

"I have to go," I run past her to make a break for the bathroom, I just about get there in time to aim for the toilet. I've been so scared for anything before.

"Cressida?" I hear Lena coming into to the girl's room. I push the door open so she can see me sitting on the floor by the toilet, I'm sure I look a complete mess. Lena comes and sits next to me, "What's going on? Are you on something?"

"No, no, I promise, I'm just nervous about something,"

"It's gotta be something big if it's making you sick sweetie," She hands me some toilet paper to wipe my mouth, "Haven't we learned that it's best to talk about our feelings?"

"I need to tell AJ, now, it's driving me crazy,"

"Okay, I see, you don't need to do it right this second do you?"

"Yes, I do, I need to tell him!" I try to scramble up but Lena pulls me in closely, she doesn't even care that I reek of vomit and I'm crying all over her.

"Not this second, come on Cressida, I'll take you home,"

"But you have to work?"

"It's fine, come on, sweetie," She helps me get to my feet, my legs feel like jelly and I can't stop shaking.

The bell rings as we walk through the halls to get to Lena's car, everyone comes flooding out of their classrooms, we pass Jesus and he just looks at me, I can't tell what he's feeling. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did. Lena rushes me out to avoid embarrassment.

"Can you call AJ? I need to see him now," I say as Lena has me sit down on the couch.

"You need a break, Cressida, just calm down and you can talk to him later, I promise," She hands me a hot chocolate.

"I can't wait that long!"

"Cressida, stop yelling!" She wraps her arms around me so tight that I can't move, but it makes me feel safe and secure. All I can do is scream into her sweater. "You're okay, Cress. You're gonna be just fine."

A few hours later, when Lena is cooking dinner, Jesus comes home. He stands in the hall staring at me, the look in his eyes hurts me so much, he's in pain and it's my fault.

"Please don't yell at me, I can't handle it right now," I say to him.

"I know," He surprises me by talking softly, "Um," He slowly walks over to me, "I just want to say I'm sorry, for pushing you the other day, and yelling," I smile at him, "It doesn't change anything, I just wanted to tell you," He walks away from me, not taking a second to look back.

For a split second, I thought we would be okay. I was wrong. I break down in silent tears, I don't want to alert Lena that there's more going on with me, I know she would get it out of me and then she'd hate me. She took my phone away from me because she knew I'd try and call AJ, but I can't even text Callie or Mariana, I just have to wait until one of them comes home, but Jude beats them. He sees me instantly and comes and sits next to me.

"Hey," He says, "You weren't in Math,"

"Yeah, I got sick and Lena took me home," I guess that's not technically a lie.

"Well you didn't miss much, you know Charlie? He kicked off about not being able to do something so the teacher took him to isolation and we basically just spent the whole period doing nothing," I feel slightly relieved, but school is the last thing I care about right now.

"Hey," AJ suddenly comes through the front door, Jude leaves us to talk, it's happening now. "I heard what happened at school, you okay?" He still cares about me even though he's mad.

"Yeah I'm fine," Lena comes in when she hears his voice, she looks at me nervously, "Uh, I need to talk to you,"

"Don't worry about that right now, you're sick you need to get better,"

"No that's not it, I threw up because of you, because I was nervous to tell you,"

"I make you that nervous? I'm so sorry," He tries to put his arm around me but I get up and step back.

"Don't do that, don't comfort me," I'm petrified, "I don't deserve it,"

"Okay, you're scaring me now, what's going on?" He gets up to approach me but I step further back, Lena is right next to me, I take her hand.

"I did something, a while ago and I've been wanting to tell you since I found you, but I was so scared because we were getting on so well and I didn't wanna ruin that. Then you were mad at me and it made it even harder, but if I don't tell you I'll never get over it,"

"Just tell me,"

"I killed our mom," I spit it right out, "It's my fault she died,"

"What?" He stares at me, shaking his head trying to figure it out.

"I didn't mean to, I thought she was someone else and-" I break down.

"Deep breaths," Lena says to me.

"I was trying to save her from someone, but she came home early and it was her instead of him,"

"I'm not sure I get it," He doesn't seem angry, just really confused.

"I can't do this anymore!" I drop to the ground, he comes over to me.

"Do you want me to explain it to him?" Lena asks as she and AJ pick me up. I nod through my hysterical tears. I know he should hear it from me but it hurts so much reliving the moment when I opened the kitchen door and saw her... I just can't. "Jude," Lena calls, "Take Cressida outside. He comes in from the kitchen and we go outside to sit on the swings. I try to look through the windows to get a look at what's going on but I can't see anything.

"If," Jude starts, "If things don't go well with your brother," I look to him, "You've always got me, I'm your brother,"

"Jude, that's so sweet," I hug him, "You're all so nice to me, I don't really get why, I've just barged into your lives and taken up all this space,"

"We're already a huge family, one more of us doesn't make much of a difference, we like having you here, even Jesus,"

"What do you mean even Jesus? He's mad at me for keeping that huge secret,"

"I know but he said something last night, he said that he can see that the rest of us like having you around and he would be selfish to get in the way of that, he's not a bad guy Cressida, he just tends to take everything kinda personally. He'll come around eventually,"


	16. Chapter 16

"So I talked to Lena," AJ I stand at opposite sides of the kitchen, "She uh, explained everything,"

"And? How do you feel about it?"

"I'm a little mad, but I just can't figure out my feelings properly, I love you Cressida, you're my sister, my real family and I felt that the second I met you, even if I didn't show it," He paces around, "She told me that Ty knows and that Mike knows and everyone else pretty much, I guess that makes me kind of mad,"

"I'm sorry, I swear I didn't know Ty knew about it, and Mike only knows because he looked me up on the system, and I asked Lena to tell the others, it was eating me alive. But what was harder was that you didn't know, but I was so scared you would want nothing to do with me,"

"That would never happen, we'll always be family,"

"Thank God," I walk over to hug him.

"But," I stop a few feet from him, "I need time, to think about it, to feel comfortable again," I step back.

"Okay, I get it, I would feel the same, but just don't be mad at Ty either, he was trying to protect you, and Mike didn't tell you because he thought I should, but you have to know how hard it was to admit it to myself, it took me so long to learn to live with it that I underestimated how long it would take me to realise I had to learn to live with the secret too, I don't want to keep secrets anymore, especially not from family,"

"I understand," He tries to smile but I know it's hard, it might take a long time for him to trust me again, "I guess I'll see you around,"

"Yeah," I watch him leave the house, he's different now like he's carrying the weight of this on his shoulders, I feel bad that I've let that happen but it was needed.

Now that everyone's home, we all sit down to dinner together. I feel so much better now that everyone knows. And Jesus and I aren't together so I don't have to keep that from anyone either. Callie and Brandon know but they would never tell anyone because they know exactly what it's like, and they know that we made the right choice.

"I hope you've tidied your room Mariana, the girls can't sleep on the couch forever," Stef says. Mariana looks exhausted, she's leaning on her elbow twirling her food around with her fork, "Mariana?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay sweetie? You've been half a world away all week," Lena asks.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, this STEM club stuff is kicking my butt, we're nearly finished though,"

"Good, you need to get your sleeping schedule back to normal, all of you," Stef knows I've barely slept while I've been here, but now that I've gotten everything off my chest maybe I'll be okay.

AJ and I get on pretty well over the next few weeks in school, but sometimes things get a little awkward. What can I expect though? School gets really hard, I've been keeping up to date but it's been a struggle, I thought I'd be able to sleep better now but school is a lot harder than I imagined. Mariana and I have had so much work to do that we've been staying up really late and getting up at the crack of dawn, she seems like she can do it but I'm exhausted. One night when Callie is out with AJ, we have our room to ourselves to study.

"How do you do this?" I yawn.

"Do what?" She writes so fast, where does she get all this energy?

"You barely sleep and you still manage to do well in school, what's your secret?"

"I don't have a secret, what makes you think I have a secret?"

"Okay, now you're just acting strange," I close my chemistry book, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," She looks kind of nervous.

"Mariana," I walk over and close her book and push it aside, "Tell me,"

"Fine, I've been taking something to help me stay awake, but it's no big deal okay, please don't tell my moms," She begs me.

"Oh, okay," I sit down, "Could I have some?"

"What?"

"Well, I have just as much work as you and it's driving me nuts, I could do with a little... you know, help,"

"But you got out of Juvie like 2 months ago, if you get caught you'll get sent right back,"

"Then I won't get caught, please Mariana," I hold my hand out.

"Fine, but just a few, I need them," She reaches into her pillow case and pulls out a little bottle, emptying some little pills into my hand, "That'll get you through the next week, that's all you're getting,"

"Thank you!" I hug her and take one of the capsules with a sip of water. I know it's stupid but I won't do it forever, and it's not like I've never done drugs before, I've never gotten addicted so I won't now.

The pills help me out a lot, I manage to get to the top of my class in English and History, Math is still hard but I'm not falling behind anymore. I get my Chemistry project finished and my essay for economics. We only have 2 weeks of school left and I'm getting everything done on time, I thought I might end up in summer school but at this rate, I'll be fine, I can spend the summer working and maybe by next semester I'll be able to finally afford my own place. Callie's going to recommend me to her boss at the diner and I'll be able to work there for a while. My plan is to work so hard that I get a raise or promotion, I want to be successful in life and I finally feel like I'm achieving that.

In fact, everything at the Adams-Fosters is going well, Jesus is acting more like himself, AJ comes over for dinner a lot more. It's like they're all my real family, I start to feel like I never want to leave but then I remind myself of my plan. I'm going to be independent. Stef and Lena do like having me around though, with the pills that Mariana gave me I have more time to help around the house, I cook dinner a lot and I take the trash out and wash the dishes. They appreciate me, I love it here so much.


	17. Chapter 17

It's the last day of school, and I've finished everything I need to, no summer school for me. And now I can stop taking those pills, Mariana only gave me enough for a week so I had to get more somewhere else, there was this girl Kelsey who gave me something similar for really cheap. I just used my lunch money from Stef and Lena. The pills were way better too, I went like three nights without sleeping. It was great for helping me study for Math. But now that I've stopped taking them, I feel the withdrawals starting, it's nothing I can't handle, I just feel a little dizzy and I'm having hot and cold flushes, but I can go home and go straight to bed after school, then next week I start work at the diner.

Lena insists we all have a special dinner to celebrate the last day of school, so I can't just sleep until the morning. Mariana and I both sit sluggishly at the dining room table with our eyes half open. Everyone else is full of energy and toasting to the last day and a great a summer and all that crap. I just need to sleep for like five years, then I'll be fine.

"So we were thinking about a vacation this summer, that sound good to you guys?" Lena asks.

"Awesome, where?" Jesus says.

"I don't know, maybe skiing?"

"Skiing? In summer? Isn't that something you do in winter?" Callie asks.

"Not necessarily, we could go up to Big Bear, it's not too far, we could drive there," The others all cheer away but Mariana and I are falling asleep.

"Mariana, Cressida, you okay with that?" Stef asks.

"Huh? Oh yeah, you guys have fun," I say.

"You're coming too," Callie says, "Right moms?"

"Of course, you're part of the family!" Lena says, "Mariana, you up for it?"

"Whatever,"

"Alright what's going on with you two? You've been bouncing off the walls the last two weeks,"

"I guess everything's just catching up to us,"

"Well alright, just try and get a good sleep tonight, love," Stef says, "There was something we wanted to ask you,"

"Can it wait until later? I'm exhausted, can I be excused?" I get up.

"Sure sweetie," Lena says, "You don't look so good," I ignore her and walk to the stairs, but I only make it half way before I get really dizzy, "Cressida?" Her words start to sound like mumbles. I feel my legs give way beneath me before it all goes dark.

"The doctor said there are drugs in her system, how did this happen?"

"I don't know, I thought we had a close eye on her,"

"You don't think this has something to do with Mariana, do you? She looked just as bad as Cressida did,"

"Maybe, I'm not sure, I don't want to jump to conclusions,"

"Hello?" I say sitting up. I'm back in hospital with Stef and Lena either side of me.

"Oh thank God, Cressida," Lena takes my hand, "What were you thinking? You scared us to death!" She hugs me.

"What happened?"

"You passed out," It all comes back to me, "It was caused by withdrawals, what were you doing taking drugs?" Stef raises her voice.

"Stef not now, don't you think she's been punished enough,"

"I don't know, I just... I'm at the end of my tether," She leaves in a huff.

"She's just worried, and in shock," Lena sits on my bed and strokes my face, "Why would you do something so silly?" She has sorrow in her eyes, "I'm not mad, I just want to understand,"

"I'm sorry, I know it was dumb but I just wanted to do well in school and there weren't enough hours in the day, I'm so sorry Lena," She hugs me, "Are you gonna send me back to Juvie? I understand if you want to, what I did was awful," I whimper.

"Send you back? Of course not, no,"

"So I guess I'm going to another group home," I wipe my tears away, I brought this on myself.

"No, Cressida, you're not going anywhere except back home with us," I look up at her in shock.

"You're not kicking me out? After what I did? Why would you let me stay?"

"Listen, Cressida, when Callie first got here she was a lot like you, she made some mistakes and when she did, she assumed we would give up on her, but like Callie you are not disposable, we want to take care of you until you learn to take care of yourself. Yes you made a really stupid mistake and you will face the consequences, but that doesn't involve you leaving us, okay?"

"Okay, yeah," I smile at her. I really feel a connection to Lena especially, she understands me. A doctor comes into my room with Stef.

"Hi, Cressida, glad to see you're awake," He says, Stef and Lena hold hands.

"Am I gonna be okay?" I ask him.

"Yes, you are, you're a very lucky young lady, but we do need to ask a few questions,"

"Why? We don't need to get the police involved do we?" Lena asks.

"No, but we need to know for the record, for billing and things like that," I hadn't even thought about the bills, I don't have insurance, Stef and Lena will be the ones paying for all of this, "Where did you get the drugs?" I can't tell him it was Mariana, not in front of Stef and Lena, I can't tell him at all because they would find out eventually.

"Cressida, tell him the truth," Stef folds her arms.

"I can't," I twiddle my thumbs.

"This is very serious, Cress, if you're protecting someone you could get in a lot more trouble than you already are," Lena sits right next to me.

"I can't, Lena," She takes one real look at me and she understands.

"Okay, we'll have to figure this out at home," She tells the doctor, he looks pretty pissed but he just nods and leaves.

"Lena, can I talk to you outside for a second," Stef says. They both get up and shut the door after them. I can see them through the window but I can't hear anything. They must be certain it was Mariana, but I'm not gonna throw her under the bus. So I get up and I go out to talk to them, "Cressida, what are you doing, get back into bed," She puts her arms around me, "You need rest,"

"No one gave them to me," I lie.

"What?"

"I stole them, I found them in the basket, in the kitchen, I think they were Jesus' ADHD pills," The two of them sigh and look at each other.

I'm discharged from the hospital the next day, I thought for sure after telling them I stole the pills they would kick me out, but no, they're just really mad at me.

"Mariana, get down here now," Stef yells up the stairs the second we get home.

"Stef, don't do this now, Cressida just got home," Stef ignores her wife.

"What's going on?" Mariana asks as she nervously walks down the stairs, she knows her mom's mad voice.

"Cressida, wait in the living room please," She says to me, she won't look either of us in the eye. Mariana looks at me for an explanation. Even though I didn't tell them it was her I know she'll be mad at me.

I sit in silence trying to hear them talking in the yard but I can't hear a damned thing, so I sneak into the kitchen and bend down by the sink.

"Mariana, we know you gave her the drugs, how would she even know where we keep them?" They don't sound mad, they sound worried.

"Are you using again?" Lena says with her soft voice.

"No," There's a silence, "Yes, but I've stopped now, it was just for school, I swear, I only gave her few I promise, I don't know where she got the rest,"

"Why would you do that Mariana? You know she has a history with drugs,"

"She told me she'd only ever sold, I didn't know she would become so dependent, we both stopped at the same time but I guess she just had worse withdrawals than me, I'm really sorry and you can ground me for as long as you want,"

"You bet your ass we can," I stand up and go outside.

"Me too, I'm really sorry,"

"Mariana you can go," She walks past me, she looks apologetic now, "Where did you get the other drugs, they were a lot stronger than what Mariana gave you, they could have left permanent damage to you,"

"It was a girl at school, Kelsey, I've never spoken to her before but I guess she saw me taking something and offered to sell to me, again, I'm so so sorry,"

"Go tell Mariana you're both grounded for 2 weeks, no TV, nothing, go on,"

I walk out hanging my head in shame, I came out of this whole thing pretty lucky, if this happened in any other home I'd get the shit kicked out of me. Now I just have to redeem myself and prove that I can be responsible and not make stupid mistakes.


	18. Chapter 18

Stef and Lena weren't going to let me start working at the diner but after I told them how good it would be for me they finally allowed me, but only if one of the others drives me there and back every day. And when I get home from work, Mariana and I have to do everyone else's chores as well as our own, Jude helps us out though, it's not so bad. Mariana complains but about but I remind her what it would be like for me if I got kicked out of here, then she realizes that this life is actually pretty good, we only have two days left of being grounded anyway.

"Cressida, Mariana, dinner," We had only just had a second to sit down before we have to drag ourselves into the kitchen.

"Where are the others?" I ask, digging into my lasagne.

"They all had plans for dinner, Brandon is at his dad's with Callie and AJ, Jude is with Noah and Jesus is with Emma," Stef says.

"He's with Emma?" I didn't even know they were friends.

"Yeah they're back together now," Mariana says.

"Oh, they're dating, cool," I play it off but I can't lie to myself, it hurts. That's probably why Emma doesn't like me, because I was spending a lot of time with him.

"Anyway girls, we've been talking and we think you've been working so hard around the house, and Cress, Callie says you've been doing well at work, so we've decided that we're gonna end your grounding today," Lena smiles.

"Seriously?" Mariana perks up.

"Thank you guys so much!"

"I can finally enjoy my summer," Mariana and I high five, "I haven't seen Mat in like a month," I had forgotten that Mariana had a boyfriend, she's always so focused on getting stuff done.

After dinner, we hang out in our room and talk about what we're gonna do this summer, I'm focused on work but Mariana wants to do all this stuff with Mat.

"Can the two of us do something tonight though? Like a movie or something?" I ask her.

"Sure, why not? I've been wanting to see that new one with Johnny Depp,"

"Cressida!" Lena calls for me, "Can you come down for a second please?"

"So we were actually going to talk to you about this on the last day of school but things got in the way," Lena says.

"We know you're planning to get your own place and make your own way in life, but after what happened your social worker wanted to take you somewhere else, we're just worried that you might be taken away from us. So we were wondering how you would feel about us adopting you?" Stef holds my hand across the table.

"So like, I'd live here permanently?" I feel sort of confused.

"You could stay until you go off to college or you could still get your own place, it's completely up to you, we just want to make sure that this is your home until you make that choice," Lena takes the other hand.

"Wow, I'm... I'm shocked, I knew you weren't kicking me out but I didn't expect this, you guys really wanna take care of so much you'd adopt me? Even though you've got five other kids?"

"You've felt like part of the family since you got here. We want you to feel safe and loved, because you are," I fall speechless. I walk over to them hug them both so tight, they hug back, I can't help but cry a little, "Oh sweetie," Lena strokes my hair. All this talk of adoption reminds of AJ's, I wonder if he's going ahead with it.

"Hey," I say to Mike as he opens his apartment door, "Can I talk to AJ?"

"Sure, come on in," the apartment is small but big enough for the two of them, "We just ordered pizza, you want some?"

"No thanks, I just had dinner," I walk into the living room, Callie, AJ, and Brandon are all watching TV on the couch, "Hi AJ," He turns around.

"Hey, uh," He gets up, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, um yeah I just wanted to catch up you know, can we go talk in your room?"

"Okay, it's just through here," I follow him into his bedroom, it's big, well not as big as Callie and Mariana's but there's three of us in there, "Listen, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you the past few weeks, after finding out what... what you did, and then hearing about the drugs, I just needed space,"

"No, it's fine, I understand,"

"Cool, so uh, what's up?"

"I just wanted to ask you if you're still thinking about getting adopted, or like where you guys are in that process? I guess," I sway nervously.

"Oh that, yeah Mike's started the paperwork, is that cool?"

"Yeah it's fine, I don't know why I overreacted the way I did, actually," I sit next to him, "Stef and Lena want to adopt me,"

"Seriously?" I nod, "That's great, Cressida, I'm so happy for you!" He hugs me for the first time in a while.

"I really miss you AJ, I missed you before I knew you, do you think maybe we can get back to how we were before all the crap? If you're ready, I mean,"

"Yeah, yeah I'm ready," A wave of relief washes over me, he hugs me again.

"We're okay," I say to myself, "We're gonna be fine,"


End file.
